Before your next trip to visit your guy, research something new and fun to do. Maybe it'll be a first for him, too. I go to bed at 9 pm every night. My boyfriend is a night owl. I keep my apartment a little too clean. My boyfriend uses his floor as his laundry basket. We're figuring out how to make that work when we spend more time together, and it's perfectly normal to not be completely in sync when it comes to that stuff.
Don't try to change them. It won't work, and it won't do you any favors. Instead, be flexible and try to find ways to weave their habits into your day-to-day life. I believe the perfect recipe for an LDR is this: mutual respect, an end-goal in mind, dedication to putting in the travel time and being on the same page.
Yes, it's a tough relationship to be in, but every time you're reunited, you're reminded that it's all worth it. This article originally appeared on the author's personal blog. By Logan May.
After three years of being so beyond single, I met someone perfect for me. He's witty, respectful, caring and shares my love of romantic comedies and fruity drinks. The only problem? He lives in another state. However, based on my experience, there a few real things you need to know about an LDR: 1. Your communication skills are essential. Neither I, nor my boyfriend, are phone talkers. We hate it, actually. And I'm not just talking means of communication.
I'm also talking about how you communicate. You should have your own life, and he should have his. Pay attention to the small details. Sign Up Now. An unexpected error has occurred with your sign up. Please try again later. Check here if you would like to receive subscription offers and other promotions via email from TIME group companies. You can unsubscribe at any time. By signing up you are agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.
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If you don't get the confirmation within 10 minutes, please check your spam folder. Related Stories. Already a print subscriber? Go here to link your subscription. Need help? Visit our Help Center. Go here to connect your wallet. But especially when one or both of you is busy, it can become easy not to invest in connecting deeply with your partner.
In-depth conversations can become fewer and farther in between. It can become habitual to mostly talk about how your day was, or keep the conversation fairly superficial and brief. Try talking only a couple of times a week for a while so that you can recharge. Do some research and find some fun virtual dates. Then, when you do talk, focus. Make it count. I think everyone in a long distance relationship has moments when they feel a bit crazy, but couples in LDRs involving a significant time zone difference probably have more than most.
Time zone differences make connecting and communicating already a challenge in LDRs even more difficult. You need an extra dose of empathy and imagination to keep in mind that your partner is experiencing an entirely different part of the day or night.
We all feel insecure in ourselves and our relationship sometimes. We all have moments when we feel threatened or inadequate, when fears and worries run away on us, and we get anxious. We all sometimes hit low points, or have bad days, and look to people we love to provide encouragement and reassurance.
That is normal, and part of the give and take of loving, trusting, growing relationships. However, chronic insecurity is a much bigger problem that will take a big toll on you and your relationship over time. And the actions that often arise from insecurity—constantly asking for reassurance, often feeling jealous, making accusations or demands, checking up on people—erode trust and make you look needy and less attractive.
If insecurity is something that comes and goes, it can often be be healthy and helpful to voice your insecurities and fears when they pop up. This practices authentic and good communication, and gives your partner a chance to respond and reassure you, and get to know you better. If, however, deep insecurity is something you know you live with most of the time, no amount of reassurance from your partner will ever be enough.
You will need to learn to reign in your insecurities yourself. Feeling a little jealous now and again is not unusual in a relationship, particularly when you are separated from your loved one. A little jealousy can even spark fresh attraction and a new appreciation for your partner.
Uncontrolled jealousy can lead to a destructive combination of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, anger, and shame. Growing apart is a particular pitfall for couples that were established before they started doing long distance. Couples who like I did start their relationship across distance face almost the opposite problem—the temptation to become too emotionally intimate, too quickly. In some ways, getting to know someone via email and phone calls can help your relationship.
The distance can force you to talk about all sorts of things you might not have discussed if doing other things or, um, each other was a realistic option. On the other hand, falling in love long distance is a risky business. Remember that the rules of long distance relationships should be the same as those posted at public pools: Walk, do not run.
And no diving in headfirst. Take your time getting to know each other. Approaching your new relationship in a measured manner may yield benefits for years to come. Miscommunications and misunderstandings happen frequently in relationships. They happen when you share the same house with someone.
Luckily for me, Mike is not easily offended or hurt or, for that matter, deterred. Another time, Mike and I were discussing something that I was very worried about.
This makes effective communication harder. Remember how easy it is to misunderstand someone! When you feel confused or hurt, remember that you may have misunderstood what your partner said or meant! Often, a simple explanation from them will make things a lot clearer. Beyond any specific incident, learn the natural similarities and differences in your communication styles, and how each of you tends to react to frustration, disappointment, or conflict. Check out this article series on managing conflict in long distance relationships.
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